Practicing holiday season self-care starts with noticing the small signals like Halloween candy appearing on store shelves in early September that remind us the end of the year is approaching faster than we’d like. Even if you love the holidays, this creeping timeline can stir up more than seasonal cheer.
And every year at this time, I catch myself remarking that we are moving too fast and looking too far ahead. Regardless of how you feel about the holiday season, there is no denying that these reminders make it hard to ignore that the end of the year is approaching.
Why the Holidays Feel Harder Than We Expect
This is usually a time when we start to realize how quickly the year has passed. Or, in some years, we make note of how painfully slow the time has gone. This is a time of reflection and preparation, we review what we have accomplished, or what we believe we should have accomplished, and we start to think of what we want to do in those last three months before the new year starts.
As a therapist, I frequently hear my clients express dread regarding the upcoming holidays. Many people are feeling strained financially and worrying about how they will make it through the rest of the year. This is often the first sign that holiday season self-care needs to move higher on the priority list.
Others feel the pressure of upcoming family gatherings and anxiety about how they will face certain triggers. But in addition to these concerns, I often hear clients ask why? “Why am I feeling so down during a time when everyone else seems to be celebrating? Why do I dread this season when I feel like I should be enjoying it?”
The truth is that despite what the media may try to convince us, the winter/holiday months are often characterized by increases in seasonal depression, loneliness, and family conflict. Recognizing this pattern early is one of the most useful forms of self-care during the holidays.
Of course, it’s not all bad. But I think the experience of feeling sad or alone during the holidays is arguably more universal than the Hallmark idea of the perfect family gathered around the fire. This is exactly where holiday season self-care becomes essential, not as an afterthought, but as a real strategy for getting through these months. According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, a majority of people report the holiday season increases feelings of sadness or anxiety, even among those who also feel excitement about it.
The Power of Holiday Season Self-Care
The winter season represents a break in the normal routine for many. This break from the norm can create more challenges in engaging in self-care and creating boundaries for alone time. Children are out of school which can lead to increased conflict and stress for parents and families. Even small pockets of holiday self-care can ease this added pressure.
This time of year usually comes with more social obligations, which can further add to an already overwhelmed schedule. In addition to changes in the routines this time of year, many people are feeling the loneliness of being separated or cut off from their families. This is often when holiday season self-care matters most, when routines break down and grief resurfaces.
Because continuing to buy into the idealized images that are portrayed through the media creates more loneliness and disconnection. It leads us to feel like we are the only ones suffering and adds to the isolation that this season can already create. So how can we prepare ourselves for the variety of emotions that might come up this time of year?
And how do we have compassion for those feelings without comparing ourselves to the ideas we have in our heads about what this season should look like?
Letting Go of the Instagram-Perfect Holiday
We can start by challenging unrealistic expectations for the holidays. Permitting ourselves to feel our feelings without judgment, although difficult, can alleviate some of the shame that may come when we notice ourselves lacking excitement or feeling down this time of year. Practicing self-care during the holidays means giving yourself permission to feel what you feel, without judgment.
Although it’s something most of us recognize on a rational level, it’s important to remember that what we see on Instagram or in the media is not an accurate representation of the human experience. So if we see one of our colleagues or classmates posting videos celebrating with their perfect, happy, smiling family surrounded by gifts and extravagant food, we have to acknowledge that this is a snapshot of a joyful moment and not a representation of nuances of family relationships. Remembering this is itself a quiet form of holiday season self-care.
If you find yourself struggling to keep this in focus, taking breaks or even unfollowing certain accounts that trigger excessive comparison can be helpful. Unfollowing accounts that trigger comparison is one small but meaningful act of holiday self-care. If you find yourself feeling alone or struggling emotionally, reach out.
This might look like calling your best friend to catch up or scheduling a session with your therapist. Regardless of who you choose to reach out to, feeling a connection with someone can help take us out of our thoughts temporarily and give us perspective. If this resonates with you, you don’t have to figure it out alone. Book a free 15-minute consultation to talk through what you’re experiencing, no pressure, just a conversation.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it normal to feel sad during the holidays?
Yes, very normal. Seasonal depression, grief, and loneliness are common during this time of year, even for people who generally enjoy the holidays.
How do I deal with holiday season comparison on social media?
Remember that what you see online is a curated snapshot, not the full picture. Taking breaks from social media or unfollowing accounts that trigger comparison can help.
What if I dread family gatherings during the holidays?
That’s a common experience. It’s okay to set boundaries around how much time you spend at gatherings, or to prepare coping strategies in advance for specific triggers.
Small Rituals That Support Real Self-Care
We can also cope with this season by practicing our self-soothing and self-care rituals. These self-care rituals don’t need to be elaborate to be effective.
While self-care has become a pop-psychology buzzword in recent years, there is truly so much power in creating intentional moments to respond to and take care of our emotions. Self-care this time of year may include saying “no” to certain social engagements or interactions. Saying no without guilt is often the clearest example of holiday season self-care in action.
Ultimately, we have to make decisions that honor our needs, regardless of who we may disappoint. Possibly the most powerful thing we can remind ourselves, as the weather starts to get colder and the days begin to get shorter, is that all seasons, like emotions, are temporary. That truth alone can make holiday self-care feel less like a chore and more like relief. Whether the holiday season is something that you look forward to or dread, it will pass eventually, and a new season will begin.
Reminding ourselves of the temporary nature of everything is so important when we are struggling with our feelings in the present moment.
5 Ways to Practice Holiday Season Self-Care
- Let yourself feel what you feel, without judgment. Sadness or ambivalence during the holidays doesn’t mean something is wrong with you.
- Curate your social media. Unfollowing or muting accounts that trigger comparison is a small but meaningful act of self-care.
- Reach out when you need connection. A call to a friend or a session with your therapist can offer real perspective when things feel heavy.
- Practice saying no without guilt. Protecting your energy sometimes means skipping an obligation, and that’s okay.
- Remember that this season is temporary. Like all emotions, the weight of this time of year will pass.
However you experience this season, remember that holiday season self-care isn’t selfish, it’s what allows you to show up fully for the moments that matter most.
